Discover your inner source of happiness
Updated: Apr 29
Practice being alone, just You and yourself
Nobody wants to be lonely. And it can be so beautiful. It can be when being lonely isn't loneliness, it's being alone. Both words, loneliness and being alone, describe superficially the same situation. Yet in reality they are exactly the opposite. Loneliness says: I feel lonely. I need someone else to feel good. Aloneness says: I am alone and feel very comfortable. I don't need anyone else to be happy. So the difference lies in the perspective you look at the situation from. Being alone is your natural state. And it can be so fulfilling - if you are willing to allow it.
Sometimes you need to take a break from everyone and spend time alone, to experience, appreciate and love yourself more.
-You come into this world alone
You live alone and you die alone. A simple fact. And a very natural fact. You are alone by nature. No one else can share your being. Deep down inside, there's just you and nobody else. What may sound daunting to some people is actually quite wonderful. Because this fact means that alone in you there is the possibility to become happy. You don't need anybody else for that. You alone are enough - if you can deal with this alone properly. Loneliness and being alone describe the same situation on the surface. The difference lies in the attitude with which you look at this situation. Once you say: I feel bad and lonely because there's no one around. And another time you say: I feel good and fulfilled, just with myself. Loneliness comes from a negative state of mind. Loneliness comes from a positive state of mind. In loneliness you are always looking for the other person. Something is missing. You are not with yourself and in your thoughts always with the other person. Without the other you are unhappy. You look for your fulfillment outside. You beg for the other. He should make you happy.
Loneliness means dependence. Being alone means total independence.
Being alone, however, is exactly the opposite of loneliness. It's absolutely fulfilling. You are happy and content just being with yourself. You don't need anyone else. You're no longer a beggar who needs the other. You have discovered your happiness within yourself. You are alone and you are enough for yourself. No/somebody can help you
Many people try to fill the hole that they feel inside themselves through the presence of other people. And it works. When the other person is there, you feel good. The hole is temporarily closed. His presence fills us, we feel connected. But two minutes later, once the person is gone, you have the same problem as before. And then usually worse. The person has left the house and you don't know what to do. What do we do now? Now that you're alone? You are afraid of being alone, although it can be the most beautiful thing. When I was 15 years old it was a hard time for me. I was totally alone in Croatia. I felt lonely. Lonelier than I had ever felt in my whole life. My parents got divorced and I stayed alone in the house as my sister moved with my mom to Germany and my dad worked as a Chief of Police. I lived alone, I had no real friends and even at school I was a loner. I think I spoke four sentences with other people over the whole first two months I felt like I was talking to them. It was hard. Really hard. But as time went by I noticed that I was less and less affected by being alone. Getting up alone, walking through the day alone, going to bed alone. No problem. It seemed as if my inner self had come to terms with the situation and now settled down on a new level. On a level where external contacts were nice but not absolutely necessary for me to feel good. During this time I developed away from the feeling of loneliness to a feeling of independent freedom. I was self-sufficient. I didn't need anyone else. It was nice when other people were there, but they were no longer absolutely necessary for me to feel good. I learned to enjoy my own company. And somehow very few people can do that. Most need external stimulation. They need the other person to be happy. "If he or she isn't there, I don't feel good." That this way of life is unhealthy and stressful, I don't need to elaborate further.
From dependent loneliness to independent solitude
What can be done now to transform this felt loneliness into an empowering sense of being alone and independent? The first thing you have to do is accept the facts. Inside you are only you, and only you alone. No one else can help you to become #happy. Only you yourself can do that. Accept this fact. Only when you accept it, can you slowly begin to draw your #happiness from yourself instead of shimmying from one external stimulation to the next. Loneliness arises when you run away from being alone instead of #accepting it. If you do not accept this natural state, you will always feel lonely. Because you will always be looking for the other person who makes you #happy. So make yourself aware of this fact again and again:
Being alone is your natural state and only you yourself can make yourself happy, nobody else. Do not run away from yourself. Stop, sit, relax, breath, close your eyes and feel inside yourself. Become aware. Become aware of yourself. Then ask yourself: Do I need anything or anyone but myself to be happy right now? Ask yourself this again and again and relax. My recommendation to practice these situations is very simple. Spend some time with yourself every day. And only with yourself. Go into yourself. Feel this feeling of being alone. Feel the independence that comes with this feeling. And then ask yourself over and over again, is there anything missing from this moment? Am I not #happy and content, alone as I am here, without anyone else? In the end you will find that you don't need anyone else. You are yourself enough. Train yourself to be alone. Every day, a little bit. Get inside yourself and connect with your inner self. That way you will slowly but surely tap into your own internal source of #happiness. And when you've done that, you'll never need anyone else to make you feel good again. This is the ultimate #freedom.